i. Getting so high at school i couldn’t even speak and then passing out in the bathroom. I did it because a boy told me drugs would make me feel alive.
ii. Inhaled cigarette smoke as if it was an angels breath. I did it because a boy told me smoking would make me relaxed.
ii. Drank a lot of Smirnoff out of plastic water bottles at school even though it burned my throat and gave me headache. I did it because a boy told me drinking would cure my shyness.
iii. Skipped too much school to go downtown and sit outside the mall and smoke. I did it because a boy told me school wasn’t worth my time.
iv. Cut my skin open to see the perfect contrast of crimson red against my pale translucent skin. Even though it hurt to walk the next day. I did it because a boy told me cutting would help me solve my problems.
v. Let strange older guys touch me and whisper “baby” in my ear over and over again until they were finished and would let me leave. I did it because a boy told me that fucking strange men was how you fix your emptiness.
vi. Let you leave your mark of perfectly lined up purple bruises along my body. I did it because you told me that this was love.”
When i was ten i pictured myself a popular, pretty and happy teenager. You know the kind, goes out to parties and has a perfect loving boyfriend and gets good grades.
So why it that now i’m 16 laying on a mattress soaked with my own blood, contemplating taking my own life and poking the purple bruises on my thighs from the strange boys who i let kiss me in the back of their car with lips that taste like cigarettes.”